Summer Calendar

There's Us

Freewrite 6-18-09

You know it took me 5 months, 2 weeks and 4 days
to get through one whole day, 24 straight hours, and not think about you.
Visions of your walk and smile
The incredibly sexy way you moved and breathed
5 months, 2 weeks and 4 days

I was so disarmed
You might have been the most beautiful thing I've ever seen
and all I could feel was disarmed
Like it was impossible to be smooth with you
Charm you like every other nigga would try
No, I had to be real, myself.
And in that I gave you a power I never intended to let go

3 years, 10 months, and some change I've known you
And somehow your antics are still fresh to me
And you always knew what lines not to cross with me
Like I was different for you
But if you drunk dialed me at 3 A.M. again
I wouldn't mind being woken up.

1 year, 7 months, 12 days it's been since you left
and a friend decides to make me bring you up in conversation
And as he recounts some memories, I can't help but think of you
Where you might be? Doing what?
He says you're probably sleeping at 3 A.M.
but I know better.
No. You're out there somewhere
having fun
not thinking about me.
Damn, I hate this.

It took me 5 months, 2 weeks, and 4 days to get you out of my head.
Only 12 seconds to bring you back.

---

Not everything is supposed to come true
Some words are best unsaid
Some love is not really love at all
I'll keep everything I shared with you
And that's enough
There's us

Freewrite 6-12-09

I needed to write. Was having a moment.

It would be easy to be anyone else
But no, God saw fit that I should be me
The one that “doesn't do anything”
the damn near straight-edge one
The one who doesn't fuck around
God saw fit that I play the role of everyone's moral compass

And sometimes I just can't stand it
A serious burden. You get to fuck up your life and maybe a few others
But I get the remorse. I get to feel responsible.
And luckily the way I was raised, the way I am keeps me from hating you.
I try not to judge.

However it tries me when you disclose that you can drink thirteen times my excess
or that at least ten vaginas have trace evidence of your presence... this week.
And I look in your eyes
And you're so proud of yourself
And it's all I can do to hold back disgust
Because I don't judge

No instead I counsel you
Comfort you when you get hurt
When everything backfires I play big brother
I know it's all in one ear
and right out the other.
My wisdom is lost on you
Because this is all you know
Living a life reminiscent of the $5 hood books on the street has become your main talent
I would commend you on the performance
But I'm still holding back that disgust

So instead I don't break character as friend.
I leave my door open and phone on for you always.
Pray for your clarity and hold on to my sanity best I can
After all we can't both go crazy
We'd be such a mess.
A fun mess, but still a mess.
No. I'll be your “straight-arrow”
The one who won't fuck around
The damn near straight-edge one
The one that doesn't do anything.
God and I saw fit I be that.